Sundance Film Review: The Romantics

By Andrew Pridgen

01/28/10 - 01:54 PM

Courtesy Plum Pictures

The Romantics is a soundtrack movie.

Those (like me) who keep waiting for Josh Duhamel to star in Chosen One: The Tom Brady Story, have to mostly endure him killing time fake fighting giant morphing CGI robots, chillin' w/e'er-Botox'd Fergie Ferg and, in the case of The Romantics, doing his best Harold Cooper (yes, that's Kevin Kline in The Big Chill) meets Kevin Dolenz (yes, that's Andrew McCarthy in St. Elmo's Fire) as he does in The Romantics.

Speaking of Big Chill/St. Elmo's Fire —producer and first-time writer/director Galt Niederhoffer garnishes her strait-outta-New Haven smart-kid speak with the so-good-I'm-uploading-it-as-soon-as-it-hits-iTunes-and-inviting-people-over-for-Sangria soundtrack (Feist, Paul McCartney, Angels and Airwaves, The Soft Peck — plus lots more) in hopes it would distract from the fact that she's totes biting off the '85 Joel Schumacher with a dash of '83 Lawrence Kasdan.

The genders may have been gerrymaded, but the seven stranded dallying friends in The Romantics are uncannily their own '00s version of The Brat Pack (I'm coining 'em the iPack — because of the ubiquitous iPhone placement —FULL BARS on Long Island Sound, neat!)

The Romantics/Big Chill/Elmo's Fire Tutorial:

Ally Sheedy/Glenn Close = Anna Paquin
Judd Nelson/Mary Kay Place = Katie Holmes
Rob Lowe/Tom Berenger = Adam Brody (sans sax/'stache)
Emilio Estevez/William Hurt = Jeremy Strong
Demi Moore/JoBeth Williams = Malin Akerman (with coke!)
Andrew McCarthy/Kevin Kline = Josh Duhamel
Mare Winningham/Jeff Goldblum = Rebecca Lawrence/Elijah Wood

Everyone's friends. Everyone has white-people problems. Everyone's got this big sense of entitlement because they're Ivyfied and that comes requisite with witty banter and the whole knowing-what-to-say-even-when-you-don't-know-what-to-say thing.

...The Romantics is like if a Kevin Smith script left Nassau Community College to pursue a masters in Comp. Lit. en route to a women's sportswear buyer internship at Bergdorf — and then decided to start a blog which later became a book ...and eventually turned into this movie.

Oh, speaking of the movie, it's got a cute enough premise: Laura (Holmes channeling 'Joey' from Dawson's Creek) is private frenemy no. 1/former roommate/maid of honor to Lila (Paquin).

All the peeps descend on Lila's family's Hyannis Port-like compound to watch her marry alpha whitey Tom (Duhamel). Rehearsal dinner gets all weirdish because of a flurry of bad speeches (rings true — with the exception of Laura's over-the-top awkwardness ...hold it together girl, it's just a white dude, plenty to go around). The post-party goes the PG-13 racy route as the couples/friends pair up to go find cold-footed Tom when he goes missing. The key party ensues. The promise of nudity occurs, but never materializes. Cue 'Man in Motion' or 'A Winter Shade of Pale' as the sun comes up.

Prescription drug-addled matriarch Augusta (Candice Bergen reprising her role in Sweet Home Alabama) tries to stitch the mess together on the wedding day, but even she can't stop forces of nature which bring the third act to a self-satisfied (and surprisingly quick) conclusion.

There's also a damn-good drinking game in here: Buy a copy of Stuff White People Like and drink every time something from The Romantics syncs up with the book. A few examples: #101 Being Offended; #92 Book Deals; # 26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!); #121 Funny or Ironic Tattoos; #120 Taking a Year Off; #107 Self-Aware Hip Hop References; #104 Girls with Bangs; #103 Sweaters; #102 Children's Games as Adults; #99 Grammar; #98 The Ivy League; #90 Dinner Parties; #81 Graduate School; #55 Apologies ...

Rush out and grab the soundtrack when the movie's released but wait for The Romantics to come out on Netflix (#39). Stock up on Yellow Tail Shiraz, invite some of your favorite white/couple friends over, bake some bruschetta and let the good times roll.