So, it's official.

Facebook has a half a billion users and is about to take over the world (like, for real).

Thumbs up!

Or, to put it in perspective, the entire population of the US PLUS about 200 million = the Facebook empire.

Its kingdom will have no end.

The deal is, I've finally realized I'm the most annoying type of Facebook user; see if you're like me:

1) Threatens to quit every week

2) Doesn't

3) Finally does quit - only to find out you can't really quit Facebook (it's like meth, you don't quit - your teeth rot, you get skinny and eventually die) you can only 'deactivate' your account.

4) You tell everyone you know (via Facebook) that it's a trap. Don't sign up for Facebook, but wait it's already too la----

5) Then go back to looking through friends of freinds' photos and sizing yourself up with ex-classmates and stalking people; like, I really have no idea who these people are:

Or this family. Who are you?:

Or who these guys are; or why one of them is rocking a search engine shirt and the other a LIVESTRONG bracelet - besides general awesomeness:

Or who drew this ah-mazing self-portrait:

But there they all are.

And it's not like I had to 'search' for them either - that was on my homepage.

It took Facebook about five years to get up around 200 million users, and less than a year to double that.

...And less than 10 seconds for my page to fill up .000000001 percent of that population with complete strangers disguised as 'friends'.

Oh, and though psychologists have universally decried the '5 stages of ____' (insert: grief, breakup, annoyance), AP's recent five stages of Facebook is spot-on - here 'tis:

1. Confusion. What's it for? How do I use it? Why would anyone want to post here? Who's seeing this?

2. Discovery. Hey, my high school friends are here. Reading my News Feed actually makes me feel more connected to people. This is actually pretty fun. I look forward to checking Facebook every day. I love this.

3. Utility. Facebook helps me stay connected to former colleagues, which could help me find a job in the future. I learn things about my own kids that is valuable to me that I wouldn't otherwise hear. It's easier to communicate with everyone on Facebook than e-mail, phone calls or any other means. I need this.

4. Embarrassment. Whoa! I did NOT want my co-workers to see the picture of me someone else tagged. Too much personal information in that post! Whoops! I did not mean to offend someone -- I forgot who would be listening.

5. Withdrawal. To avoid problems, I'm going to have to assume that everything I say is public, not private like I used to think. I'll minimize my posts or stop using Facebook altogether.