The suggestions were few and far between, but the dating horror stores and cries of despair from SLC singles ran rampant. We were all aware of our dating fate but my confirmation was just another wrench to the heart of the matter.
Later last night, two of my girlfriends and I discussed the matter over dinner. (Mind you, we were in a sushi bar surrounded by couples, only making the cold-hard-truth worse.) We analyzed the situation, made justifications for our solo-statuses, and drank some wine, resulting in nothing, no advice, no suggestions, no dates.Still feeling down and still looking for advice, I noticed a new comment on yesterday's blog, full of all the justifications, information, and suggestions that I need to find Prince Charming in the Salty City. No, Dr. Phil, we don't need you anymore, Dr. Dee's got all the right words.
So, without further ado, here is why SLC is not good for singles and how to fix it:
"I've been here a few years now and I'm blown away by how difficult it is to date. I'm on dating websites, I go out a lot, I am friendly when I meet friends of friends, I clean up nice, i like going out AND staying in.
Many of the guys I meet are divorced well under 30, sometimes with several kids. The guys never had a childhood and want you to show them everything they missed. Sometimes they want to get married on the third date.
Some grew up Mormon and lead you on that they want nothing to do with that lifestyle... until you realize they're still looking for a Mormon-y trophy wife they can introduce to their religious family but who doesn't mind a beer and skipping church on sundays. Then there are the outdoorsy types who will always choose an epic trip or pow day over spending time with you. You're who they hang out with when they can't find something better to do.
Even if you catch one who just moved here and hasn't become one of THEM yet, sometimes they're leaving just as quickly, get depressed shortly after getting here...or they spend so much time suppressing whatever they were running away from that you lose respect and interest. Resist the urge to fix them!
I've also found that because of the blatant vanity and prescription drug induced monotony of the counter-culture here, my rebellious short dark hair, tshirt and jean wearing self is scoffed at. If I'm not completely dolled up, no one even gives me the time of day.
I have met a few guys who have given me a good run for my money but it usually ends up we have different interests and don't see each other for weeks, if not months at a time. There is very little loyalty or appreciation for loyalty. Just because you had an amazing date, doesn't mean you'll ever hear from them again. I hear from this one guy every couple of months after he dates someone else and then it fizzles out. I'm not your backup, asshole.
I feel like everyone is trying to one-up everyone around them and will trade you in for a new car at their first opportunity. It's not about you and them. It's what their friends think about you and them. Finding someone who will appreciate your value right away is non-existent.
I've dated guys who did not go to high school... ever, and who find it strange I read things for work outside of working hours. They tend to play lots of beer pong and take long trips into the desert to dirt bike. They try to borrow money and have lots of odd jobs...and they're in their 30's.
I've found guys who don't like that I own my own house and car and don't need them for validation. They take my independence personally and are afraid of me. If I go out without them, they assume it must be because I don't like them, not that I was meeting up with friends.
I've met guys with no car and no job that live in their mom's basement in magna and who want to be my boyfriend... if i'll come pick them up.
I've met guys in bands who have never yet been paid for a gig and stay up all night drinking but consider themselves kings and I am lucky to be seen with them.
Don't forget the guys who want to go to Burger King on the first date and have never been up any of the canyons even though they grew up in Holladay.
Then there are the guys who just felt so out of place their whole lives here that they're never had any life-changing experiences and talk about someday seeing NYC. I don't want to be your only source of happiness. Buy damn plane ticket.
Suggestions:-I like lingering and chatting at the farmers market (introverts need to eat well too - oh and talk to the vendors, sometimes they're the owners!), local coffee shops in the evening (they're in school and don't have time for dating but do want to make something of themselves), local theaters (love movies but don't have a gf to go with so they go alone), very small concerts and open mics that people don't mind stopping at alone to support a friend or hang out for a bit after work and go home, mellow yoga classes, the zen church downtown, tanner dog park around 6pm, hikes up millcreek canyon on dog-friendly days, green drinks meetups can be fun if you don't mind striking up convos, so can drinking liberally meetups. Volunteer somewhere and put your free time into someone who appreciates it. Find groups that meet up every few weeks for things you like to do. Knitting? Box car racing? Show up to a Geeks Who Drink event and find a team who doesn't have enough players. Really try to go to things that you're interested in, even if you're alone. The symphony, gallery walks, opera. At least you'll have a good time even if you don't meet anyone. Expand your comfort zone and types of people you associate with and I'm sure you'll eventually come across someone worthwhile (and hopefully not married).
tips: evaluate the person as well as possible when you meet them. do they have a job? car? do they live in their car? do they have any friends? hobbies? are they depressed and looking for a life saver? do they have a drug problem?
we're obviously not in kansas anymore. if you told me i'd be saying any of this 3 years ago, I would have looked at you like you were insane. know your value and don't go slumming because you think you can't do any better here. Way too many of my friends are successful with selfish lead weights as significant others... it's better to be single.
personally, i'm just considering moving to DC or Boston where the singles runs wild. At least if they don't have a car, it's so they can afford law school."
Alright Dee, I'm putting your advice to the test this weekend. I'll report back soon.