A pretty Saturday morning. We're out of coffee. Hey, why don't we go down to the Farmers Market at Pioneer Park, just a few blocks away? We can get some coffee and drink it while we're buying corn, tomatoes and raspberries.

OR NOT.

Maybe if we'd been able to locate coffee (NOT iced) in a reasonable length of time, I wouldn't have gotten so dyspeptic about what should have been a heart-warming, spirit-lifting excursion spent among people who are working to make the world a better place through food.

As it turned out, we retreated to Carlucci's, got our 16 ounces with milk and a chocolate croissant, and bought our groceries at Harmons (which now carries Rosie Chicken.)

I mean.

You're serving coffee at a Farmers Market, a place that celebrates homegrown, organic, local, REAL food. There's no excuse for offering powdered non-dairy creamer with the coffee you sell. In fact, it's an insult. In fact, it ought to be banned.

Those ATMs charge THREE DOLLARS for a transaction. I want to know: does this money go to the farmers? Does it go to the Downtown Alliance? Otherwise, it's completely outrageous highway robbery.

I don't care how proud a parent you are, DO NOT stop your stroller in the middle of the walkway. Would you stop your car on I15 to chat with someone in the next car? Or for a teaching moment with little Brittni? Teach her to say "corn" some other time. Or pull over, for godssake. Observe basic rules of the road.

Do I have to say that the same goes for dog owners???

Plus, today I watched a perfectly nice dog squat to take a poop in a small grassy space near the vendors. The heinous owner made no move to scoop. The owner should be jailed.

Personally, I'm a backer of no-dogs-at-the-Market. Unless they're those tiny yippers you can hang around your neck or put in a purse.

Go ahead, tar and feather me. But I maintain that dogs aren't people, too. And some of the ones that come to the Market aren't even dogs, they're livestock.

Glen is getting more and more serious about leashing up a 500-lb. "pet hog" and taking it for a Farmers Market shopping expedition.

Heheheh. That'll show'em.