Nero Wolfe, the adipose gourmet detective in Rex Stout’s series of mysteries, is now famous for his views on scrambled eggs. Here’s how Wolfe’s sidekick, Archie Goodwin, tells it:

“Do you like eggs?”

She laughed. She looked at me, so I laughed too.

Wolf scowled. “Confound it, are eggs comical? Do you know how to scramble eggs, Mrs. Valdon?”

“Yes, of course.”

“To use Mr. Goodwin’s favorite locution, one will get you 10 that you don’t. I’ll scramble eggs for your breakfast and we’ll see. Tell me 40 minutes before you’re ready.”

Her eyes widened. “Forty minutes?”

“Yes. I knew you didn’t know.”

—Nero Wolfe, conversing with Lucy Valdon in The Mother Hunt.
Almost Perfect Scrambled Eggs
(serves one) 

While it might not take us 40 minutes, here’s the perfect (enough) recipe for scrambled eggs:

1 Tbsp. butter
2 eggs
Salt and pepper if desired

Heat butter over low heat in a nonstick skillet. Crack eggs into skillet and stir slowly once eggs begin to cook. Continue cooking until eggs are set but still glossy (dry eggs are dull). This will take longer than you think if you do it properly. Remove from heat and turn eggs onto plate to keep them from continuing to cook. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Are your eggs fresh?

Signs of a fresh egg:

The yolk is bright yellow, not dull.

The yolk stands tall and rounded as opposed to flattening out when the egg is cracked.

The white part of a fresh eggs holds together well. The older the egg, the more it will spread out.