Bye-bye, Buttars He's been the unofficial buffoon of the Utah legislature for years, ensuring each session that the Beehive state would make national news in the worst possible way. Remember, "This baby is black, I'll tell ya, it's a dark ugly thing"? Or his assertion that the gay-rights movement is "probably the greatest threat to America," likening gay advocates to Muslim radicals? How about the plan to eliminate 12th grade in Utah high schools? But my heck - we don't have the space to list all of Buttars' boo-boos. Let's just say bye-bye, and add that phrase about the door not banging him in the butt.

Terminating Air Terminal Gifts Airports are all alike - same schlocky shops, same bad food, same awful TV. But Salt Lake airport used to be an exception, because for five decades, locally owned Air Terminal Gifts operated 16 successful and unique boutiques in our airport. They all sold cool clothes, fun accessories, unusual jewelry and gifts - stuff you couldn't get anywhere else in town. But the airport put retail space in the terminal out for bid last fall, and now Air Terminal Gifts has been replaced by international conglomerate HMS Host. Sometimes it seems our city leaders' ambition is for Salt Lake City to become less and less like Salt Lake City and more and more like every other city. R.I.P., Air Terminal Gifts.

The Glass-Half-Full Guv And here's how Herbert summed up the past legislative session to the Deseret News: "By and large, was it perfect? No. But it was a pretty good, solid, productive session. At the end of the day, there's going to be a group hug and everybody's going to feel good." Maybe not everybody.

Biggest Losers in Utah Utah's obesity rate is barely below the national average of 27 percent, but at least 500 fatties auditioned for the next season of The Biggest Loser, four of last season's contestants were from Utah, and The Biggest Loser Resort at Fitness Ridge is in Utah. So, Beehivers are definitely winners at needing to lose big.

The battle of the Mormon Politicians Romney vs. Huntsman John M. Huntsman, Jr. and Mitt Romney are fighting for the Republican presidential nomination. What to do? Our beloved former governor vies for the presidency against the former governor of Massachusetts, known locally as "The Man Who Saved the Olympics." Here's your frivolous guide to the matchup.

Chins Romney: Assertive and, frankly, a little bossy Huntsman: Equally assertive but more sensitive Advantage: Romney

Hair Romney: Ronald Reagan Huntsman: Boys Don't Cry-era Hilary Swank Advantage: Romney

Children Romney 5 Huntsman 7 Advantage: Huntsman (by two adoptions)

Hobbies Romney Updating his Wikipedia page and enjoying America's greatness Huntsman Rock 'n' roll and motocross Advantage: Huntsman

Political Punditry Sez Romney: Flip flops and loves socialized medicine Huntsman: Secret Obamacrat and Maoist Advantage: You decide.

 

 

Grama Chase The Utah Legislature seemed to spend the majority of its 2011 session embarrassing themselves by drafting ill-conceived laws that came to nothing, with the GRAMA debacle crowning its efforts. During the last days of the session, they rushed through a bill that gutted GRAMA, the open-records act. After liberals and tea-partiers united in instant and widespread and loud protests, Gov. Herbert called a special session to repeal a bill that should never have been signed.

Curt Oda vs. the Cats Forget air pollution; Legislator Curt Oda wanted to address a problem that can be fixed: feral cats. His HB210 proposed making the humane killing of feral animals, pests and rodents exempt from a state law that makes animal cruelty a felony. What constitutes humane killing? Shooting was acceptable, according to HB210. So was using a bow and arrow, clubbing or decapitating. Cooler heads prevailed and the bill was killed. Decapitated, maybe? But not before Utah made The Colbert Report as a punch line.

Best Tweet @gwarchol "If you run 127 Hours backwards, it's the heartwarming tale of a disabled man finding an arm in the Utah desert."

Our Own Private Oil Spills On June 12, 2010, Chevron oil pipeline leaked 33,000 gallons of crude oil into Red Butte Creek, which feeds the pond in Liberty Park. Then on Dec. 1, another spill leaked 21,000 gallons. It took $2 million to clean up the messed-up pond. For a year, a quarter of the park was closed to the public.

Silicon: 1, Flesh and Blood: 0 Ken Jennings, Utah's IQ pride and joy, lost big to Big Blue's mechanical genius, Watson, in a man vs. machine series of Jeopardy games. In an interview with Slate, Jennings said he envisioned himself "as the Great Carbon-Based Hope against a new generation of thinking machines - which will inevitably run amok and destroy us all." Instead, he lost, in what he called "an away game for humanity."

R.I.P. The Crawler The "independent voice of Utah," aka The Salt Lake Tribune, silenced its most independent voice, the Salt Lake Crawler, after blogger Glen Warchol wrote - accurately - about the impending demise of the Deseret News, which has an operating agreement with Trib owner Dean Singleton. Business trumps news. FYI: Warchol is married to Salt Lake magazine's Mary Brown Malouf, but we all think it stinks.

Success Can Kill You Moving the free Twilight Concerts to Pioneer Park was a great idea, except for the miscalculation of the opening band's popularity. Modest Mouse fans overflowed the park and turned the concert into chaos. Things cooled down at later concerts, but the fracas proved that Utahns do love thems a free concert in the park.

Meet the New Buttars A door closes and a window opens, right? Yep. Thus, Carl Wimmer - calling loudly for state sovereignty - is our new Buttars.Welcome to the Faults, Carl.

So Long Jerry Say it ain't So... Jerry Sloan's abrupt and startling retirement during the middle of the Utah Jazz's season was a shock, to say the least. For 23 seasons, Jerry had our back, managing, even after the Golden Age of Stockton-Malone, to field playoff-worthy teams. It's our duty to love the Jazz, but without you glowering from the sidelines, it just ain't the same.

 

 

The Hit List These hard times have indeed been hard. We applaud the local businesses that continue to soldier on as we mourn those felled by the forces of this cruel market. And are reminded that we all, more than ever, must buy local.

Utah State Liquor Stores No one understands better than we do in print journalism how bad times are. We get the need for cost-cutting and why the Utah legislature proposed across-the-board cuts. But for the DABC to make its required $2 million budget slash, 11 stores, making a combined savings of $18 million, would be closed. That was the plan, anyway. The only dissenting vote was liquor commission chairman Sam Granato's. Maybe that's why the Leg is also considering making the chairmanship an appointed position, instead of a vote up by other commission members. But Utahns did the math, too, and a public uproar ensued. At press time, this turned out to be another example of the Leg going in circles: store closings and discussions of store closings were postponed until next year.

A moment of silence, please, for these much-missed casualties of the Great recession: Albert Chloe Revolv magazine The Green Building Store Peach Boutique Acme Burger Green Street Sego Lily Apparition Ink Bunya Bunya The Record Collector Bella Citta (Foothill) Donovans The Sky Box The Garfo Gallery